how to be german in 20 easy steps part 2
Enjoy -and if you have any questions, feel free to ask ;)
11. EAT SAUERKRAUT
Sour and salty is to us like sweet and sour for Chinese.
It tastes good. Just like Americans like their sweet potatoes with *shudder* marshmallows on top (really???).
But that doesn't mean -as I already said in the last post- not all Germans eat sauerkraut and sauerkraut and coarse bratwurst or sauerkraut and kassler are their own meals and I never knew anyone who just ate sauerkraut by itself without potatoes or potato-mash.
12. LOOK FOR A JOB
As I already said in #7
"In Germany everything works with college qualifications or apprenticeships (which usually take 3 years work and vocational school, you have to take a test at the end to prove you're fit to do the job you apprenticed for).
If you get a job without that, you only get minimum wage (waiter, call center, bar maid, cleaning crew...) or you're a student with a side job. Your boss won't pay for part of your health insurance either and you won't get paid vacation time."
A real job in Germany counts as a full-time job, something with health benefits, enough money to pay your rent, living costs etc and no job, that just gets paid by the hour and you need 3 of those to survive and you're not f'%&$ed when you get sick for longer periods of time because you get paid anyway.
13. LEARN HOW TO OPEN A BEER BOTTLE WITH ANYTHING BUT A BOTTLE OPENER
As a teenager, that's basically the first thing you learn to do -open your beer with a lighter or on a sharp edge no matter whether a window sill, a knife, a spoon or whatever.
One of my friends could open his beer with a folded piece of paper.
-What would your parents say if they see a bottle opener on your key-chain or you took the family opener out on the street with you?
14. SAY WHAT YOU MEAN
Everyone here in the US says "Hi, how are you?" no matter where you go, the doctor's office, the store, the pub...
Now how many of those people actually mean it and want to know about how you feel or how your day went?
The nurse in the doctor's office should realize that the question answered itself
because you have an appointment or came in there unannounced, so you feel sick, right?
And the person at the checkout recites the sentence cause it's in the book/rules.
So why do you all do and say your weird little small talks and make people think you 'care' until you come to the point and they realize you did all this because you want something from them?
Your boss doesn't need to be 'nice' to you an
d pretend that you're oh-so-good-friends and you're no 5 year old who needs to hear good things before the critique starts. Grow up.
Americans talk around the point a lot and for foreigners who aren't used to your culture, your language and your way to treat things have a big problem seeing through all these diversions and take it as pure fakeness when they get it.
Same with talking with a higher octave to appear friendly -that's a thing you do with toddlers because they're not developed enough yet and it seems ridiculous when people hear your normal voice after a while.
You don't need to butter up, it just makes you seem more slippery.
15. FEEL MIXED ABOUT BERLIN
I don't know about other people and there are probably a lot who love Berlin and many move or try to move there, but for me it's just a tourist stronghold (like bavaria for that matter) and full of hipsters.
There are quirky and artsy people everywhere, you don't need Berlin for that.
On top of that, I'm a child of the Ruhr Area, a big blob in the middle of a lot of nothing like Berlin just isn't for me.
16. HATE BAVARIA
Exactly as the text says.
Everyone's German prejudice comes from Bavaria and most of the time, we, the 'other' Germans 1. don't understand what they say either 2. think they all seem like parts of sentimental films with regional background from the 50s/60s (but not our part of 'native') -in German it's called 'Heimatfilm' and 3. call it shady/murky/dusky Germany 'Dunkeldeutschland'
17. SPEAK FREELY ABOUT SEX
Maybe now I'm totally prejudiced, but skinny dipping is an English term, so you must do it, too, right?
And not talking openly (even at school etc) about sex is what makes teens use snickers wrappers instead of condoms, wives unhappy with their husbands and women feel like freaks when they find something 'unusual'(whatever that means to you).
But I'm from the land where actors can keep their ass cracks in movies and TV series(they just won't show them at noon but when little kids are supposed to be in bed and that's not only because of sex scenes but because of violence and language as well) and no one watching TV gets a heart attack because Angelina Jolie has nipples when she has sex with Ethan Hawke in Taking lives .
Get over it.
Get over it.
18. LOVE YOUR CAR.
I don't even have a driver's license, but I see the guys lingering at the self-car-wash at the weekends cleaning their Mercedes and Volkswagen and Toyotas and being proud of them. Just like many do in the states.
There are car clubs in the US, there are car clubs in Germany.
Cars, even German cars, cost A LOT more in Germany than in the states.
If you can afford one, treat it right, make it look nice, so you'll be able to sell it later when you want/need another one.
Dads ask about the car their daughter's boyfriend drives? -Means what can he afford, is it only fit for scraps (I wouldn't let my kid into one of those, who knows if the guy can drive or if the car falls apart on the way to the club?), can he take care of himself and her?
Someone I know had to spend about 6000€ on their American car just to get it to German safety standards. Just think about that.
There are car clubs in the US, there are car clubs in Germany.
Cars, even German cars, cost A LOT more in Germany than in the states.
If you can afford one, treat it right, make it look nice, so you'll be able to sell it later when you want/need another one.
Dads ask about the car their daughter's boyfriend drives? -Means what can he afford, is it only fit for scraps (I wouldn't let my kid into one of those, who knows if the guy can drive or if the car falls apart on the way to the club?), can he take care of himself and her?
Someone I know had to spend about 6000€ on their American car just to get it to German safety standards. Just think about that.
19. DO NOTHING ON SUNDAYS.
Sunday is the day everyone has off. No stores are open, you can't go shopping unless you do it at the flea markets or in a gas station shop, the whole family has off,
If you're in your twenties you probably just came home from the clubs (in Germany i haven't found a single club that closes before 4-5am or even later) and you need the Sunday to get over your hangover, relax before you go back to work on Monday, get some energy for the next stressful week.
You can go see a movie, go to an amusement park, meet friends for brunch, do some sports or enjoy a lazy day.
No, mostly you won't get surgery done at the weekend unless it's an emergency.
so they enjoy it together.
If you're in your twenties you probably just came home from the clubs (in Germany i haven't found a single club that closes before 4-5am or even later) and you need the Sunday to get over your hangover, relax before you go back to work on Monday, get some energy for the next stressful week.
You can go see a movie, go to an amusement park, meet friends for brunch, do some sports or enjoy a lazy day.
No, mostly you won't get surgery done at the weekend unless it's an emergency.
20. WATCH TATORT
I never got the whole Tatort thing, because there are so many better German crime shows, but it cracks me up to see my home city on TV, my home accent and slang or parts of Germany I have been to in a movie series where they say this is the mansion of so-and-so and you know it's the museum in Essen or this is the police department and for real it's the waterworks.
-Just the way New Yorkers are about CSI:NY or Princetonians about House MD.
Can't wait for part 3? Just have patience.
-Just the way New Yorkers are about CSI:NY or Princetonians about House MD.
Can't wait for part 3? Just have patience.
