The big move

Ok, so this post is about what's on my mind these last couple of weeks.
Maybe someone would be interested in the point of view and differences to the US.

We're thinking about moving back to Germany.
We both realized the US and its ways and views don't make us happy, so instead of fighting through, we decided to go back to where we were happy.

When I get to Germany, I'll have to deal with going to city hall and tell them that I'll be back living in the city.
In Germany you can't just move wherever you want and no one's the wiser. You have to get the address on your ID changed in the first couple of weeks after the move otherwise you have to pay mean fees. Sounds weird to Americans, but on the other hand we don't have 'warrant strike teams' showing up in the middle of the night because they're looking for someone who didn't pay their child support who might live somewhere in the vicinity and take them to the police station in cuffs. The police, courts etc already know where you live, so they can send you a letter instead.

So it's a bit of a catch22, you have to go to city hall and get your ID changed with a new address etc, but you can't do that unless you already have a rent contract for an apartment (as proof that you're really living in that city).
Without a German address on your ID you won't be able to create a German bank account or e.g. apply for unemployment (as that's city and not state business). Without the German bank account you can't pay your rent or get a 'pay cheque' as in Germany the money gets paid via money transfer and not via paper 'checque' that you have to put into your account. And you wont get paid cash either unless it's under the table.

So a lot of things to take care of plus i'm still trying to get my drivers license here before moving (it depends on the US state what happens when you want to exchange the license for a German one, some don't get accepted at all, others are OK if you take your written test again in Germany to verify, others just take it as is and give you a German one without a problem. Thank goodness PA is one of those!)
Getting a drivers license in Germany is a lot harder and costs alot more money, as in aprox. 2000$ give or take.
You have to take theory classes as Germany has a lot less signs on the roads and more laws and restriction etc that you'll have to keep in mind for driving( no 'attention, there's a stop sign coming soon'-signs or 'this curve should be driven no faster than 15mph'-signs or speed limit signs everywhere, it depends on the kind of roads and where they are -close to schools or suburban neighbourhoods etc, and your theory classes should have taught you how fast you're allowed to drive).
You pay for those classes and are not allowed to do road classes until you sat through a certain amount of theory hours.
Then you'll start driving lessons with an instructor, you're not allowed to drive alone or even with a person 21 or older etc, you're only allowed to drive in your lessons until you pass your road test.
There's a certain number of highway lessons, night lessons etc you have to have and succeed in until your instructor tells you you're ready for your tests.
And then again, you'll have to pay for your written test and for your road test and if you fail, you'll have to pay that amount again (and it's not just 35$ like here, as far as i know e.g. your road test may cost up to 500€ a pop, your written test 200 or 300€ a pop).
So I took my written test a couple of weeks ago here in Philly, it took me about 5min and I passed and got my permit which allows me to practice driving on the road with a family member or friend who teaches me.
When I feel secure enough, i'll take my road test, and i'm done.
The Germans will groan now as their written test takes at least an hour and the questions are a lot more specific and some even mathematical (if you go 50mph how much room do you need between yourself and the car in front of you to not ram it in case it does a full stop? how much do you need if the street is wet? -and they want EXACT answers, no 'about 4-5seconds' or 'maybe 3 car lengths').

So keep your fingers crossed for me!
And If anyone is interested, I'll write some more about differences in moving abroad and in the states and what you have to keep in mind.
-ever had to think about buying light fixtures or a kitchen when you moved?
Well Germans do it all the time...more at a later time ;)

Dating issues

These last couple of weeks I began to sum up a lot of basic cultural differences
between the US and Germany in my mind (most of the time even all of Europe, because with all my European friends I never noticed differences in the these topics as much as with the Americans -might be that I just never lived in their countries for a long period of time, but even visiting or just talking to people should show this).
And even thought about what would happen if an American would go to a German therapist.
Unless you have serious problems -bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, victim of a crime or traumatic events etc, there are many people seeing a therapist for stress related issues, simple family issues, love issues etc

Today I want to concentrate on 'love issues' (Americans seem to love the word 'issues', instead of saying "man, i fucked up, I'm sorry" they probably say "dude, i got issues" which sort of feels like 'it's-not-my-fault-because-I've-got-issues-and-got-no-money-for-therapy-so-you-have-to-feel-sorry-for-me-and-can-the-anger').

In Germany you don't really have 'dates'.
Date as in all official and serious - boy gets dressed up and meets the parents and takes the girl to a restaurant etc.
There's also no 'dating around'.
You're either a couple or you are not. Yes or No.
If you have a date with that girl, you no way in hell date another at the same time unless you are a 'player' asshole and usually get kicked to the curb the minute the girl finds out.

If you're a teenager you hang out with friends, meet their friends, meet new people at birthday parties or public parties (yes, there are parties for teenagers as well, just as there are parties for grown-ups, the only difference is the alcohol contend -and don't forget in Germany you're allowed to drink beer when you're 16+).
Maybe you exchange phone numbers and start texting, maybe you just meet up with a bunch of people in the city, hang in parks...and baaam! you have a boy/girlfriend.

It kinda works the same for grown-ups unless you do the weird online-dating thing, then of course you have a 'date'/'appointment' to meet the person for the first time etc.

And most of those online dates or other more random 'dates' you have in a coffee shop.
Even if you have 5 coffee dates it doesn't mean that the other person only 'wants to be friends', it just means it's convenient, casual and you can actually talk about things and be relaxed and leave whenever you want.
I think I had about 8 'coffee dates' with one of my first boyfriends and we were a couple for 18months afterwards.
Another boyfriend I met when I just broke it off with another and he walked me home just because he was nice and wanted to be sure I was safe.
It took about 5 more 'accidental meet ups and hangouts' until we though it would be cool to be a couple and actually kissed.

The seriousness of a 'date' is not measured in what it costs.
-In many situations you even split the bill and no German girl expects the guy to pay for everything.
Of course it's nice if you get free drinks or the guy you're going with pays for club admission etc, but every girl has money on her and expects to pay for herself, 'free' is just a nice addition/gift.
There's a cheapo Rock bar in the area and they offer 1€ shots for happy hour?
There's a street festival with yummy food and live music?
Hell yeah, let's go. Awesome date.
You want to go to the movie theater and watch the new Marvel movie?
Great, let's meet in front of the theater. -You already bought the tickets? I'll get the popcorn.
Dates are not supposed to feel like employment interviews for the job as each other's partner.
There's no check list you have to pass. Hey, I want to get pregnant in the next 6months, do you like babies? Really???

I looked through thousands of 'tips to make the first date a success' online, from Mens Health (4pm deadline?) over AskMen (check the meaning behind flowers before you buy her bouquet, women know this -meaning...flower...what?! The last guy who brought me flowers to a date was almost 20years my senior and flowers seem just as old-fashioned, unless you're looking for a Stepford wife, but you should recognize her by her apron and your slippers in her hand) to Cosmopolitan (now that's the most stupid...fzg#! -what his beverage says about his dating MO ? What his texts really mean ?)
There are some weird 'dating rules' here that I've never heard of outside a RomCom -and expected them to be as fake as the movie itself for comedic reference.

• Wait three days until you call/Don't be the first to make contact after the date ? By that time a German girl already decided you're an asshole and don't call because she didn't have sex with you right away
• Wait with sex until the 3rd date? If you want to have sex, have sex, if you want to wait until you feel you can trust the other person, do that. My first boyfriends had to wait a couple of months(!) until I was ready and they were OK to wait. My husband was supposed to be a One-Night-Stand -couldn't get rid of him :P
• Accept no last minute invitations because it looks desperate? Desperate on him for thinking of you or desperate on you for seizing the occasion because you're interested and it shows?
• Analyze the crap out of everything he said or did ? -and do it with your girlfriends? Sometimes a hammer is just a hammer and if you're not sure -how about asking him? Plus no matter how well your or his English/German is, sometimes you mean different things in using the same phrase, words etc, there can already be total misunderstandings between Aussies and Americans. So instead of fuelling your paranoia in any way, just open your mouth!
• Only date 'your type' ? And you probably found your type via survey on match.com??? Are there really women only dating brown haired guys/this height/briefs over boxer shorts? And you're in no way prejudiced and always open-minded as you always say? But if he chose OldNavy over Lacoste shirts it must mean that he's poor instead of realising it's the same quality, so why pay a fortune for the name? And complaining about guys only dating blonds/girls with big boobs/in high heels...all good guys are taken? How about dating outside your type?
• Keep your dates short to make him want more? The guy probably thinks you're too busy or not interested if you cut it off after an hour. I would.
• "Ain't Nothin' Open After Midnight 'Cept Legs" In Europe clubs stay open til early morning, you're basically a kid or a loser if you show up before midnight. And what are 24h diners for?
• Going back to her place for coffee means sex    Or just that, an invitation for coffee and talking some more
• Eating an extremely healthy meal while out on a date shows your guy you take care of yourself    Or he thinks 'not another anorexic, boring nitpicker'
• Arrive late    Your parents never taught you the basics -take a shower, brush your teeth, never break promises and be on time? How rude...
• Update your knowledge of current politics/music/news for the date  If you're just not interested in that kind of stuff, it seems pretty unfair to 'play the part' for your date and then later on disappoint the guy cause he thought you were someone you are not. Be yourself. Just don't burp, fart and spray your food over the table or get wasted, there's not only dates who don't like that. But that counts as common sense anywhere but the US it seems because it has to be mentioned in every 'dating tips for men' I found.
• No Saturday night date cause it looks like you had nothing to do   So if you're so busy, are you sure you even have time for a boyfriend? If you want to meet some friends already, why not offer to take him with you? If it was me, I'd rather blow you off on a night I decided to stay in by myself than on a night I already wanted to go out. And Friday, Saturday...if I want to meet you, I meet you, and Saturday is one of the only nights almost everyone is able to go out besides people with alternate shifts
• If he brings his ex up too early it means he's not over her   And if you spent the last years (or even lived with) with a boyfriend and you broke up, man, you have so much to talk about daily life and vacations and stuff without that person you broke up with...silent date, I guess, or talk about your favourite TV shows. 
• You are a hussy for kissing the guy on first date/if you go out to an elaborate date with dinner etc and he pays, it's 'nice' to kiss as a thankyou   1. You can't have both 2. Personally I don't sell myself in any way, if I kiss you, I kiss you because I want to and not as a payback for anything -and expecting that is disgusting and I don't want to see you again anyway
• After a year of dating you can expect a marriage proposal  My sister and brother-in-law were together for 10 years and had two kids until they thought, "OK, taxes, retirement and shit, let's get married real quick" . I don't know a single couple outside their 60s who weren't at least 2-10y together until they got married or even just moved in together. Many people don't get married at all.

(glamour.com, womansday.com, msn.com, menshealth.com, askmen.com ...)

Now for the therapy session.

You come in crying you'll never find a good guy. 

- No guy to pass your checklist? I'd think that over again.

- They didn't call you after 3 days? Maybe they thought you weren't interested.

- But he did/didn't do this, said that, was sooo mean to you? Communication goes   two ways.

-You played games (wear this, say only that, no this on that # date, carefully selected txt msgs, wait xyz until zyx) and he played back?

 ->Boohoo, here's a tissue, now get out.

How to be German in 25 easy steps -Part 3

So today we come to the last part of

how to be german in 25 easy steps -Part 3:

21. EAT GERMAN "BREAD"

Come on, to be fair you have to admit that your bread sucks.

I'm not one of these tree hugging organic people, but what Americans call bread is an insult. 

It's some kind of manipulated white tasteless flour stripped of all its nutrients, most of the time the second ingredient listed is high fructose corn syrup, rye bread doesn't taste of rye but of a ton of caraway -which is supposed to be a SPICE that lifts the bread taste not the other way around and -everything has the consistency of  stodgy pappy toast. No, worse than toast. you can compress a whole bread with your hands without much force to 1/4-1/3 of its original size.

-That's still not bothering you?

And no one feels bad about sending their young kids to school or kindergarden with double piece of junk with jelly and peanut butter in between -wait, carbs on top of carbs on top of carbs with no vitamins, minerals or anything that's worth eating as a full meal? Oh, yeah, that makes so much sense!

In Germany you get lots of bread options -toast, baguette, rough farmer's bread, hoagie bread, with seeds, without seeds, whole wheat, rye, mixed, white breads, pita bread...there's one thing they have in common: yeast/barm, no damn baking powdered mess. Be it sourdough, quick rise or whatever.

I was so disgusted by the American bread options -and trust me, I  tried them all for months and months (and putting salami or Leberwurst - no, you don't slice Leberwurst like salami, you take it our of the casing and spread it on your bread- on that sweet stuff was so hard, I started eating it with jam or Nutella only) I finally caved in and started baking my own bread.

So there, a German bread obsessed.

22. ALWAYS SEND FRIENDLY GREETINGS

I don't know what the fuss is about. I never got an English US email or letter without the standardized 'best regards', 'regards', 'sincerely' or 'yours faithfully', in German it's just 'MfG' or 'VG' or something like that.

-and don't tell me anything about being 'offending'!

It seems like in the US everybody has the hobby of telling other people what should or shouldn't offend them.

-blackface is a total no-no, but it's OK to paint yourself 'red' for the Mummers Parade to look like an American Indian?

-there was a complete tirade when the pixiwoo sisters (from UK) did a make-up review and used the term 'black skin' and even had to apologize for it. 

Amazingly, no people of 'dark' skin felt offended (I mean, when you're in Europe dark skinned people come from everywhere -Ghana, Namibia  South Africa, Holland, the US...there's no generalized term possible like 'African American' -and seriously, if I was from Nigeria and someone called me African American, then I'd be really offended!).

-even subcultural acts want to tell females to be offended by other bands' 'racist or misogynistic' cover and video art while the females would happily throw themselves unto the stage to perform with the band.

-Americans are offended by things that were said or things someone didn't say,  with every joke they ask a hundred questions just to make sure nothing was meant to offend them, the tone of your voice, your clothes...no matter what, they'll probably find something, so don't even try but take everything with a pinch of salt, please?

After I put my foot in my mouth a couple of times, I'd rather not say anything at all.

23. SAY TSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSCHÜSSSSSSSSSSSS

It makes me feel so homesick, I just want to hear someone 'tschüss' again while I leave a store...

24. KNOW THE ANSWER IS TO BRING KARTOFFELSALAT

For me, BBQ was never about the meat, it's about condiments and salads.

Potato salad is a standard (although it depends on the area you come from what you put in your salad-my grandma always puts a diced apple in hers <3 and="and" i="i" it="it" like="like" most="most" nbsp="nbsp" not="not" people="people" s="s">that

 much work to put it together and bring to a party.

I have always been a pasta salad kind of girl - Nudelsalat is the best, I could make a huuuuuuge bowl and it'll be gone the next day, I could eat it for breakfast, lunch and dinner and if it sat in fridge for a night it tastes even better than fresh.

If anyone is interested, I could post my recipe here.

I made it for a party in the states and it was gone so fast!

25. PROST!! 

Well, how do I explain this...

In medieval times everyone used to prost and clink their cups together as a sign of trust, so the drinks would mix a little as the liquid slops over and everyone was sure they weren't poisoned by anyone in the group.

Looking someone in the eyes while prosting was part of etiquette once, but not anymore.

Now we only do it in a group of friends at the pub or at a party as a joke:

'The one who doesn't look people in the eyes while prosting will have 7 years of bad sex'.

Another stupid drinking joke is:

whenever someone in your group burps, you have to raise your hand to your forehead with pinkie and thumb extended like this and yell 'Schulz!' -the last one to do this will get smacked on the forehead.

And that's the end of our list.

If you have any questions, traditions or sightings you want to me explain, feel free to comment!

Missed part 1&2?
http://hairandcultureshock.blogspot.com/2013/01/how-to-be-german-in-25-easy-steps-part-1.html

http://hairandcultureshock.blogspot.com/2013/01/how-to-be-german-in-25-easy-steps-part-2.html

how to be german in 25 easy steps -Part 2

So this is part 2 of a German explains and wonders about
how to be german in 20 easy steps part 2


Enjoy -and if you have any questions, feel free to ask ;)

11. EAT SAUERKRAUT

Sour and salty is to us like sweet and sour for Chinese.

It tastes good. Just like Americans like their sweet potatoes with *shudder* marshmallows on top (really???).

But that doesn't mean -as I already said in the last post- not all Germans eat sauerkraut and sauerkraut and coarse bratwurst or sauerkraut and kassler are their own meals and I never knew anyone who just ate sauerkraut by itself without potatoes or potato-mash.

12. LOOK FOR A JOB

As I already said in #7

"In Germany everything works with college qualifications or apprenticeships (which usually take 3 years work and vocational school, you have to take a test at the end to prove you're fit to do the job you apprenticed for).

If you get a job without that, you only get minimum wage (waiter, call center, bar maid, cleaning crew...) or you're a student with a side job. Your boss won't pay for part of your health insurance either and you won't get paid vacation time."

A real job in Germany counts as a full-time job, something with health benefits, enough money to pay your rent, living costs etc and no job, that just gets paid by the hour and you need 3 of those to survive and you're not f'%&$ed when you get sick for longer periods of time because you get paid anyway.

13. LEARN HOW TO OPEN A BEER BOTTLE WITH ANYTHING BUT A BOTTLE OPENER

As a teenager, that's basically the first thing you learn to do -open your beer with a lighter or on a sharp edge no matter whether a window sill, a knife, a spoon or whatever.

One of my friends could open his beer with a folded piece of paper.

-What would your parents say if they see a bottle opener on your key-chain or you took the family opener out on the street with you?

14. SAY WHAT YOU MEAN

Everyone here in the US says "Hi, how are you?" no matter where you go, the doctor's office, the store, the pub...

Now how many of those people actually mean it and want to know about how you feel or how your day went?

The nurse in the doctor's office should realize that the question answered itself 

because you have an appointment or came in there unannounced, so you feel sick, right?

And the person at the checkout recites the sentence cause it's in the book/rules.

So why do you all do and say your weird little small talks and make people think you 'care' until you come to the point and they realize you did all this because you want something from them?

Your boss doesn't need to be 'nice' to you an

d pretend that you're oh-so-good-friends and you're no 5 year old who needs to hear good things before the critique starts. Grow up.

Americans talk around the point a lot and for foreigners who aren't used to your culture, your language and your way to treat things have a big problem seeing through all these diversions and take it as pure fakeness when they get it.

Same with talking with a higher octave to appear friendly -that's a thing you do with toddlers because they're not developed enough yet and it seems ridiculous when people hear your normal voice after a while.

You don't need to butter up, it just makes you seem more slippery.

15. FEEL MIXED ABOUT BERLIN

I don't know about other people and there are probably a lot who love Berlin and many move or try to move there, but for me it's just a tourist stronghold (like bavaria for that matter) and full of hipsters.

There are quirky and artsy people everywhere, you don't need Berlin for that.

On top of that, I'm a child of the Ruhr Area, a big blob in the middle of a lot of nothing like Berlin just isn't for me.

16. HATE BAVARIA

Exactly as the text says.

Everyone's German prejudice comes from Bavaria and most of the time, we, the 'other' Germans 1. don't understand what they say either 2. think they all seem like parts of sentimental films with regional background from the 50s/60s (but not our part of 'native') -in German it's called 'Heimatfilm' and 3. call it shady/murky/dusky Germany 'Dunkeldeutschland'

17. SPEAK FREELY ABOUT SEX

Maybe now I'm totally prejudiced, but skinny dipping is an English term, so you must do it, too, right?

And not talking openly (even at school etc) about sex is what makes teens use snickers wrappers instead of condoms, wives unhappy with their husbands and women feel like freaks when they find something 'unusual'(whatever that means to you).

But I'm from the land where actors can keep their ass cracks in movies and TV series(they just won't show them at noon but when little kids are supposed to be in bed and that's not only because of sex scenes but because of violence and language as well) and no one watching TV gets a heart attack because Angelina Jolie has nipples when she has sex with Ethan Hawke in Taking lives .
Get over it.

18. LOVE YOUR CAR.

I don't even have a driver's license, but I see the guys lingering at the self-car-wash at the weekends cleaning their Mercedes and Volkswagen and Toyotas and being proud of them. Just like many do in the states.
There are car clubs in the US, there are car clubs in Germany.

Cars, even German cars, cost A LOT more in Germany than in the states.
If you can afford one, treat it right, make it look nice, so you'll be able to sell it later when you want/need another one.

Dads ask about the car their daughter's boyfriend drives? -Means what can he afford, is it only fit for scraps (I wouldn't let my kid into one of those, who knows if the guy can drive or if the car falls apart on the way to the club?), can he take care of himself and her?

Someone I know had to spend about 6000€ on their American car just to get it to German safety standards. Just think about that.

19.  DO NOTHING ON SUNDAYS.

Sunday is the day everyone has off. No stores are open, you can't go shopping unless you do it at the flea markets or in a gas station shop, the whole family has off, 

so they enjoy it together.

If you're in your twenties you probably just came home from the clubs (in Germany i haven't found a single club that closes before 4-5am or even later) and you need the Sunday to get over your hangover, relax before you go back to work on Monday, get some energy for the next stressful week.
You can go see a movie, go to an amusement park, meet friends for brunch, do some sports or enjoy a lazy day.
No, mostly you won't get surgery done at the weekend unless it's an emergency.

20. WATCH TATORT

I never got the whole Tatort thing, because there are so many better German crime shows, but it cracks me up to see my home city on TV, my home accent and slang or parts of Germany I have been to in a movie series where they say this is the mansion of so-and-so and you know it's the museum in Essen or this is the police department and for real it's the waterworks.
-Just the way New Yorkers are about CSI:NY or Princetonians about House MD.




Can't wait for part 3? Just have patience.

Missed part 1? Here you go...

http://hairandcultureshock.blogspot.com/2013/01/how-to-be-german-in-25-easy-steps-part-3.html

How to be German in 25 easy steps -Part 1

I just found this amazing website, written by an English dude living in Germany
and I couldn't stop laughing.
He's right!
Not 100% right, but every German find him/herself in this or at least someone they know.


how-to-be-german-in 25 easy steps-part-1

#1 Put on your house shoes

here I'm part of the exception. I hate house shoes. I love bare feet. running around my own apartment dressing however I like, don't know what I'd do if my house was completely tiled (maybe thick socks instead?), but no house shoes. They remind me of old people, my grandpa always had his house shoes next to the bed,next to his lazy boy chair when he took a nap.

Maybe that's the reason why house shoes always make me think of old people.

#2 Eat a long breakfast

For my parents' birthdays, mother's day, Easter  we kids always made a big breakfast. I went to the bakery to get fresh rolls, boiled eggs, brought all cold cuts, marmalade/jam,  honey, Nutella (you can't have breakfast without Nutella!) etc to the kitchen table, made coffee...It's a family thing.

Now that I'm grown up, I don't mind that anymore unless we get special guests or something.

When I have a job, it's already hard to get up in the morning, I usually take a sandwich with me to work, but I can't eat in the morning. Blergh.



#3 Planning, Preparation, Process

I hate preparation, but if I have to do something -move to another country, plan a business trip, I do it right...my best friend is a list.

#4 Get some insurances

The first time living outside my parents home, I only had the minimum insurance, just in case I damaged something in the apartment, burnt down my household effects. (and you can't have a job or anything in Germany without health insurance, no one would take you as a worker if you weren't insured)

But i felt uneasy. 

-what, if I get sick and can't work anymore? -a disability insurance would be nice.

-what if the public pension won't be enough? -a private pension insurance would do the trick.

-what if my cell phone gets stolen or breaks? -a cell phone insurance would take care of it.

Germans basically have the Aflac commercial running through their heads nonstop when it comes to insurances.

#5 Dress seriously

We have mothers who are always yelling to get our coats on outside just in case it gets cold. And don't forget an umbrella!

We are 'just-in-case'-people. And that's not only about clothing.

My handbag is so full it's like carrying a corpse with you everywhere you go.

-just in case you or someone with you gets a headache, take painkillers with you.

-maybe you'll have an upset stomach, take some Prilosec/Omep with you.

-what if you get hungry, maybe put some snacks in.

-low sugar, take some candy.

-thirsty. need some water/juice/coke.

-the trip gets boring, take a book.

-miss your family, bring pictures.

-cut your finger, bring band aids.

-dirty bathroom, take desinfectant.

-dry skin, need hand lotion.

and those are just the extras besides makeup, keys, cell phone, wallet...

#6 Speak German

German is hard. Especially for foreigners.

But in a way Germans are like the French, if you're a tourist and try to speak some German, they love you.

If you try in your language or in English  many think you just don't take an effort or try to play dumb.

People in general are stupid.

*shrugs*

We all had English at school, a minimum should be possible.

But you still have people -especially young ones- in stores, salons, on the street, who'll look at you like a deer in headlights when something not-German comes out of your mouth.

#7 Get some more qualifications

In Germany, if you're an idiot, you have to have a paper stating that you are.

No one cares if you can speak a certain language -if it's not your native language or you have a paper stating that you can, no one will believe you.

In Germany everything works with college qualifications or apprenticeships (which usually take 3 years work and vocational school, you have to take a test at the end to prove you're fit to do the job you apprenticed for).

If you get a job without that, you only get minimum wage (waiter, call center, bar maid, cleaning crew...) or you're a student with a side job. Your boss won't pay for part of your health insurance either and you won't get paid vacation time.

#8 Obey the red man

Germans don't follow aaaaalll the rules. 

The English are happy to stand in line all day long, Germans hate it with a passion.

Some cheat, some start complaining for another checkout counter after less than 3 minutes.

But yes, if you don't wait for the light to change, most will yell at you or think you're a rebellious teenager and a bad role model for little kids.

9. Drink Apfelsaftschorle

For me now living in a strange country and trying to cope with it, it's diet Coke.;)

You can't go wrong with diet Coke, it takes the same everywhere you go.

The orange, apple and cherry juices in the states completely freak me out. Nothing tastes as it should.

Cherry juice is made from tart cherries, sugar, sugar substitute or whatever is added, but it's tart. 

Orange juice -especially the ones that are refrigerated, have to taste fresh and have some acid and are mostly made from navel oranges.

If you drink non-carbonated water, most Germans immediately think of tab water (which is perfectly fine to drink in Germany by the way, no filter or anything needed).

Which automatically makes them think of tough times, having no money for other beverages...

So yes, carbonated water is 'classic'.

#10 Eat German food

Can't say it's not right.

But no, not all Germans eat sausage and sauerkraut and ham hock all day long.

-especially not sauerkraut on a freaking hot dog, we prefer our hot dogs Danish style, thank you very much. (ketchup, mustard, hot dog sauce/remoulade, fried or fresh onions and pickled gherkins -where, oh where can i find pickles in the state of Pennsylvania that are not dill or ridiculously sweet???)

That's what's so disappointing about German restaurants in the states.

No, not every dinner includes red cabbage or sauerkraut or spätzle for goodness sake!

We don't eat schnitzel every day!

And what you call Wiener or Frankfurter or Nürnberger is a sacrilege!

So that's it for today, part 2 comes in a bit :)


http://hairandcultureshock.blogspot.com/2013/01/how-to-be-german-in-25-easy-steps-part-2.html

http://hairandcultureshock.blogspot.com/2013/01/how-to-be-german-in-25-easy-steps-part-3.html